So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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