whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
