if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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