i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
