Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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