I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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