allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
