everyone is single if you try hard enough
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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