I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize