It's Friday. Sex?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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