do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
