Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
