Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i have two assholes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
