Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
