I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize