Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
