the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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