There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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