he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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