Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
