He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
