sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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