I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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