I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
