I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
