I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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