I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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