wakey wakey hands off snakey
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
