when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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