Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
