Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
