He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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