you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
