The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
