just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize