I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
