she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
