Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
