Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
