it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she told me i tasted like america
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
