She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize