saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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