i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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