we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
