I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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