she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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