Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nicole vs. Life
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
