So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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