I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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