I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize