you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
