i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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