She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
