this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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