You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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