All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
