one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
