Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
