went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
