i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
