Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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