is your mom at the bar?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
