She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
