Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
