I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
