69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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