I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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