I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
