No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
