What a fucking waste of an outfit
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He did a backflip because drugs
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