Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
