my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
