Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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