at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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