What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
