I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
