I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
